I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!! IM CONSIDERING SUICIDE!!!

[wostar]

hi, i am really really at my lowest today i just do not know what to do anymore, it is so bad that have sat here for the last hour thinking of ways to end it all. In may 2008 i had an unprotected one night stand with a bisexual male that sleeps around alot, i also found out later that i had chlamydia at the time of exposure. We had sex for about 5 minutes and he ejaculated inside of me. I had no symptoms at all and felt completely healthy untill september/october that year my symptoms where:

flu like symptoms
headach
very severe joint pain in the knees and elbows
sore throat

when the other symptoms dissapeared i was left with bad pain in both of my knees, the hurt to this very day (almost 2 years on) they are worse when i am restin and eased by exercise. however i have started to get even more symptoms and i am now experiencing

bad fatigue
white fingernails with a small band of normal colour at the top
Still have the knee pain
reccurent mouth ulcers (i have a huge one today)
the other day i woke up and my tongue was grey at the back and still is now.

I am in a complete mess i have a 8 month old baby who has the same fingernails as me (they are also white!) i have a violent bf so i can no way talk to him at all, he would flip. I am severely phobic of any type of needles (pins) i cant even look at a photo of them with out feeling faint so i cant test. The only thing keeping me here at the moment is my son or else i would have ended it already, but i am seriously starting to think he is better of without me as a mother anymore. PLEASE PLEASE help me this is my last resort, i have absoloutley NO ONE to talk to at all about this!

[wostar]

sorry, i just really am at my lowest at the moment, thanks for the advice im going to look in to that, but then i am worried if it comes back as pos which i am almost 100% certain it will then my bf will be so angry he will leave me.

[Rob73!]

HIV tests are usually given as standard when you are preganant. Obivously you feel you have some issues surrounding your status. You can never rely on anyone else's test reulst to asertain your status, so an HIV antibody test taken now will give you a clonclusive result.

I won't suger coat things for you, bisexual males and their partners are considered to be a high risk group for HIV infection. That said, most people are negative. And from what you have posted your symptoms are not suggestive or HIV infection. In all likelehood this chap was negative.

Personally, I want to urge you to not do anything that might jepodise your health or safety. PLease speak to someone if you are feeling suicidial.

Get a test done. Most if not all NHS GUM clincis will now use a 4th generation DUO test, which checks for antibodies and the p24 antigen. The test is free and you can expect your results within 10 days.

[kumar007]

do not think about suicide!
go to a local GUM clinic and speak to them
they will decide which test is the best for you
a test 3 months after your last unrotected exposure will give you a conclusive result

[wostar]

im from england, and i know i didnt have a hiv test because i didnt have any needles at all, i didnt even have any when i gave birth. infact i havnt had a needle since i was eight years old. im so scared, i just want to die.

[kumar007]

where are you from?

[kumar007]

but i am sure it is a procedure to test a women for hiv before giving birth..maybe you should check your medical records for being tested before you gave birth
anyways, i suggest you should take a hiv antibody test to put your mind at ease
since ur phobic to needles,u can take a test which takes a swab from inside your mouth..