Don't trust myself to make the right choice

[so_unsure]

Been married almost 5yrs and am now on affair #2.  The history is that I met my husband when I was 23 and after a month of dating he proposed, and a month after that we were married in a courthouse.  He is 10yrs older than me, and I was very much in love with him.  We had a great first 2yrs or so together and then since he worked nights and I worked days, I started to get extremely lonely.  My husband is also very quiet and we hardly talk about anything.  I started having an affair that went on pretty intensely for 6 months and then my husband found out.  He confronted me about it, and at the time I had been planning to look at a place to live with this other guy.  My husband expressed that he loved me very much and didn't want to lose me and we decided to stay together and I tried to end my contact with the other man.  He was extremely persistant, I even got his number blocked, but he still called me at work and whatnot.  We continued to see each other and be intimate, but it was extremely few and far between.  I have since lost all interest in this other guy, but he still to this day texts me every so often.  Since losing interest in this other man, I started taking a very hard look at my marraige.  My husband had some neck and shoulder pain for a few years now, but he has had therapy that has greatly improved it and he seems a little livelier.  However, we only have sex maybe once a month.  We still don't communicate as much as I feel I need and in the past I expressed that I am not happy and we need to do something about it, and I'm not sure why, but my husband just seemed to brush me off.  I started going to therapy, but my husband would not attend.  I felt like he didn't really care if we stayed together.  I know I screwed things up with that affair and it was hard for him to forgive me.  But I am a very sexual person, and he hardly ever touched me or made me feel like he wanted me or was attracted to me.  Six months into therapy, a man came into my life that is incredible.  When we met, he was extremely easy to talk to, and in starting our friendship, I disclosed that I have pretty much given up on my marraige, and knew divorce was in my future.  He was an attractive man, and he was very attracted to me.  Then one day he told me he wanted to kiss me and it was such a whirlwind, we started having an affair.  It is intense and incredible and I feel so in love with him.  The decision should be easy at this point, but suddenly my husband has started to try to do everything I always wanted him to do.  He's being playful, making me feel wanted, trying to wine and dine me, and trying to initiate sex a lot more.  However, I feel like this affair number two was the breaking point to push me over the edge and finally decide to end it and I had started to look at places to live on my own.  I almost feel like its too little too late, as I can see my husband is trying, but for some reason I'm not being receptive to it, and I feel like I'm not in love with him anymore (but I do love him in a sense that I care very much about him).  The fact that he is suddenly trying makes me feel extremely guilty.  Part of the reason why I stayed with him after the first affair was that since I married him, I felt obligate to try and make it work.  I still feel obligated to him since we are married, but I don't know if I will ever be happy with him, and if I will ever be able to stay faithful because of that.   Any thoughts?

[penswriter]

Not everyone who posts or reads is religious. Not everyone has the same beliefs. It's a public forum, not a religious one. What one believes may not be how someone else does and is a quick way to offend a lot of people.

[Myown]

Great advice tbabi!  It's not possible to discuss marriage without discussing the Creator of Man and Woman and what He expects of a marriage.


Hey I see " Little by Little" in this thread huh? :)
But good job tbabi!

[tbabi20]

DellaKemp: Who is judging anyone's church? All I said was based from the Bible and I even said that God, her and her husband know what's truly going on. But this lady addressed exactly what is happening in her marriage asking for advice. Ticked mother didn't address any of it, but feared that if she divorced people would draw conclusions. I think that is wrong, because they don't know. So what kind of advice to you want me to give to un_sure?  

Anyways, I hope this is closed now. I gave my advice and it was taken in every way imaginable. Good day all.

[DellaKemp]

I didn't think that we were in a debate. But Ill make sure that I don't voice that point of my opinion.

[teko]

Fact: two affairs with in the time span of a 5 year marriage.
Fact: the marriage has cooled and so has the first affair.
Fact: the second affair will go bust as well.

Obviously you do not and have not taken you vows seriously, so as far as leaving your marriage, you did that when you had the first affair.

Fact: Until you get some help from a counselor, and realize what a real relationship entails, you will not have a successful one, period.

Fact: You are in love with the idea of being in love. You like the part that happens when you first meet someone and are attracted to them. When it cools to what a real relationship is, you bail in search of that initial attraction and excitement.

You are not marriage material at this point in your life. Stay off men and work on you.

[specialmom]

I also want to emphasize that this forum is not appropriate for a religious debate.  I'm Christian but do not agree with some things said here.  Religious belief is your personal truth and that does not mean it must apply to everyone.  Thanks for keeping this in mind in the future.  

I've yet to meet someone I felt could tell me what God really thinks.  It is just their interpretation until I hear it for myself.