Lack of want/need romantic relationships?

[lintugamer]

Hello.
I'm wondering, is this normal, to just not care about romantically being with someone?  Firstly, I must add that I personally don't have a problem in any way with the way I am, and am only asking out of curiosity spurred on by the fact that it seems many other people find this to be quite abnormal behavior.  
I have been in relationships before, never for very long, however.  My longest one was 10 months, the second longest being only three (however I'd known the kid for a year beforehand).  Those were the only two committed relationships I've ever been in, and I had one other that lasted only a small while and was purely physical.  This was only occasional, however, and we never had sex.  I was sexually active with both of my committed relationships, however although I was 'ready' for it, I had no interest in it after about the second time.
I don't really understand relationships, or attraction.  I have experienced what I thought was love, but only for short periods of time (with each of my committed relationships).  After too long, I got sick of them, however, and gradually began to dislike, and eventually hate them.  The first didn't end very well, and we broke contact.  The second, I said we'd 'stay friends' with no intentions to actually do so.  He, however, didn't understand that I was abiding by formalities and has been continuing to try and speak with me, which drives me up the wall.  
I don't understand cuddling, kissing, etc.  It doesn't interest me.  People have to basically force me to give them a hug, and I always glare at them before doing so, a warning not worth ignoring for the next time they're looking for affection.  I don't like people, and have often been described as a 'robot' and 'having no feelings'.  I've also been described as a 'great person', and by the same people, 'vindictive, condescending, and manipulative'.  Which, is true.  I do tend to use people, but I don't really get what is so ridiculous about it.  I don't feel bad, and I get annoyed when other people expect me to.
I don't really get crushes on people, and if I do, they are rare and last very short.  I don't really have any sexual drive, and if I get any sexual urges, they fly off before I can even satisfy them.  I would love a friend to follow me around (and know when to leave me to myself) and be there, but I don't want romance, and I don't want sex.  I don't even feel like I can fully process what love or a want for a relationship is.  They seem stupid to me, a waste of time, and don't even get me started on marriage or children.  

[lintugamer]

I'm a lot more charming in person.

[RockRose]

I'm certainly not going to sit here and insist you have asperger's - I threw it out as a possibility.  And I'm not trying to be antagonistic when I say one of the hallmarks of Asperger's is those who have it lament that they don't fit in but they don't ever seem to know why,  and deny they have the symptoms that others around them insist they have.  So there's that.

There is a facet of your personality that I don't think I've ever seen in someone with Asperger's - you really seem to disdain other people,  and believe yourself to be smarter than they are and that you are unlike them.  Better,  actually,  it appears.

That,  and the fact that you can't maintain relationships and don't want to - coupled with feeling out of place and better than everyone else - looks like you might be brushed with an attachment disorder.

Attachment disorders occur when children don't bond with their caregivers - you find these children in orphanages,  neglectful homes,  or children whose mothers had a health crisis or other crisis that kept them from getting normal attention.

A thought.  On balance,  you sound like a pretty unpleasant person to be around.

[lintugamer]

Firstly, I must quote the same article.  "Parents often first notice the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome when their child starts preschool and begins to interact with other children."  This is something diagnosed and found in SMALL CHILDREN, which yes, lasts into the teenage years, but it is FOUND when they are YOUNG.  I am (nearly) 20.

I will, however, entertain the idea and now go through the list of symptoms.

Not pick up on social cues and may lack inborn social skills, such as being able to read others' body language, start or maintain a conversation, and take turns talking.
-I can usually easily tell when someone is annoyed or upset.  I have no problem maintaining conversations, or starting them if I need to.  I do tend to ramble on and not particularly want to hear the other person talk, however.

Dislike any changes in routines.
-I don't have any routines, so, there's that.

Appear to lack empathy.
-This is obvious.

Be unable to recognize subtle differences in speech tone, pitch, and accent that alter the meaning of others? speech. So your child may not understand a joke or may take a sarcastic comment literally. And his or her speech may be flat and hard to understand because it lacks tone, pitch, and accent.
-I am a master of sarcasm, so I clearly understand it quite well.  My dialect is just fine.  

Have a formal style of speaking that is advanced for his or her age. For example, the child may use the word "beckon" instead of "call" or the word "return" instead of "come back."
-This will have to be judged by others, because I'm not sure, but I'd say it is fairly normal.  Maybe slightly advanced due to the fact that I am very intelligent.

Avoid eye contact or stare at others.
-I make a normal amount of eye contact.

Have unusual facial expressions or postures.
-I have good posture and my facial expressions are fine as well.

Be preoccupied with only one or few interests, which he or she may be very knowledgeable about. Many children with Asperger's syndrome are overly interested in parts of a whole or in unusual activities, such as designing houses, drawing highly detailed scenes, or studying astronomy. They may show an unusual interest in certain topics such as snakes, names of stars, or dinosaurs.
-I am interested in many things, none of which are over a normal amount.

Talk a lot, usually about a favorite subject. One-sided conversations are common. Internal thoughts are often verbalized.
-I will go off on a tangent about something I like if it is brought up, but I don't specifically try to do this.  Usually I don't care about what other people have to say because, quite often, they are just dull.  I think about twice as much as I say.  If I said everything I thought, I'd have a lot more problems on my hands.

Have delayed motor development. Your child may be late in learning to use a fork or spoon, ride a bike, or catch a ball. He or she may have an awkward walk. Handwriting is often poor.
-My motor development was fine.

Have heightened sensitivity and become overstimulated by loud noises, lights, or strong tastes or textures. For more information about these symptoms, see sensory processing disorder.
-No.


So, considering I don't really have many of the symptoms (and if you're LOOKING for it, you will find symptoms of almost anything on any one.  It's when you have many or all that you may have it.)  and it is a disease diagnosed in CHILDREN, I'm going to take an educated guess and say that I don't have Asperger's.

[lintugamer]

Okay, firstly, you can all stop acting like I'm some psychotic reckless person on the verge of homicide.  What evidence have I given any of you that I'm dangerous and/or violent? No, I haven't spent time in jail and the only time I've ever had any 'run-ins' with the law was when I was caught riding my dirt bike by the power lines.  (A place many people frequent because there is no place to ride where I am.) Also, when I was skateboarding (at a designated skate park.  I don't even really understand why he was trying to get me in trouble.)  I do have a temper, but I've always kept it in control, so you can calm down now.  

The 'about me' section was written the day I joined, and I wasn't thinking normally when I did.  Therefore, it is no longer relevant or accurate.

For those who keep asking why I'm here, well, it was to ask a question and gather opinions of other people.  Due to further questioning, the subject has changed.  If you don't understand it, maybe you should stop replying.

Yes, my profile is a pretty cool picture, but you seem to be hinting at it being deeper than that.  You are mistaken.  It goes no deeper than the fact that I like both crows and wolves.

I was not looking for professional help here.  I can read, and also have common sense.  Therefore, I know you are all just normal people.

When I say 'dispose', I'm not talking violently.  Simply, as an example, if I'm in a group project and someone isn't helping, they will be kicked off the project.  If they are of no use, they have no place in the group.

What is my question? It is listed in bold letters on the top of the page.  I am simply continuing to converse with the people here.  Why am I here?  Because I am.  And I've already stated I don't think there's anything wrong with me, it's that I keep hearing from other people that I act 'strangely', and seem to have a 'lack of emotion' or something 'intimidating'.  I suppose I was looking for where those signs are so I could seem more 'normal' and get people off my back.

As for the Asperger's, I will be adressing that in my next post.

[RockRose]

Oops,  forgot the link.

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/aspergers-syndrome-symptoms

[RockRose]

I still very very strongly believe you have Asperger's,  but am interested in Londres' observation about your profile status.  Hmm.

You are what you are,  lintugamer.  As you age you'll realize you don't have to change for anyone,  and if you can learn to say "thanks,  I'm fine the way I am,  please stop bugging me about changing",  people will stop insisting you change.

The very fact that you don't notice how clinical your writing is is telling.  Do you realize when you talk about past relationships you don't use "he",  or "she",  but rather,  "committed relationship".  That's extremely clinical and distant.

So.  Here's a discussion of Asperger's.  Note that anxiety is classic in teens with Asperger's.  

It seems to me that people with Asperger's don't have a disorder,  rather,  they are a type of personality on a continuum of normal.  Some people have excessive need to interact with others,  are uncanny about picking up on social nuances,  and can't stand to be alone and have to chat it up with everyone they see in public.  They're on a continuum of normal,  too,  although they often appear to be on cocaine when they're completely clean and sober.  

You are what you are.  

Blessings -