My 20yr old son has just informed me that he has been shooting heroin for the past yr. I've been more than aware of his drug use but I had no idea it had gotten to this point. I am freaked out beyond words. I never ever thought in a million yrs that MY little boy, who HATES needles, would ever even THINK to inject poison into his body. The closest word I can think of to describe how I feel is devastating. I felt like someone close to me died when I was told & have been in shock until today. I need help. I have virtually written him off b/c he refuses to go to treatment. To top it off, his gf is expecting their 1st child in June & I'm absolutely terrified. The mother of my Grandaughter says she won't allow him to sleep under the same roof w/them as long as he's using, but he's stolen f/m her, totaled 2 of her cars, hit her while she's carrying his child, & finding paraphernalia consistent w/shooting heroin all over their apt. Yet, she continues to live w/him & I cant seem to get through to her. I don't know what to do! I'm terrified for my son b/c I know that the road he's on only leads to death or prison, but now there's going to be an innocent child exposed to this b/c her father admittedly cares ONLY a/b getting high & her mother will not remove herself f/m the situation by having him removed f/m her home until he gets treatment. That is why he's refusing my offer to pay for rehab, b/c he has a roof over his head & until he doesn't have any other choice, hes not going to get help. I'm to the point now that I just feel I need to walk away. I've been through so much w/this kid...counseling, rehab, etc... But I can't MAKE him do anything anymore. He's a grown 20 yr old man that's not going to see 25 if he doesn't get off of that crap! I simply can't deal w/this anymore but I love him & I don't want to give up on him. I just feel there's nothing I can do. I'm totally helpless. I have 3 kids at home that I'm still raising & I just cannot expose them to anymore of his bs. He's put our family through so much that his own siblings hate him & I can't stand to be around him myself thanks to his need to be on this evil drug. I need someone to tell me what to do now. His addiction is killing ME.
You have already realized that you have no control over his recovery and that is good. A lot of people have a hard time letting go of control when it comes to a loved one. They can easily drive themselves mad trying to help someone recover. If he never hits rock bottom then he will not recover. I know that you are concerned for your grandchild and I understand. He IS on a path that is going to lead him to death or prison and it is likely that you will not have to do anything at all. He will not be able to keep buying this stuff and hold it together for long. It is inevitable that his behaviors are going to lead him to recovery eventually and I hope it happens before any more damage is done. Other than that if you stay in his life watch out for the baby and if it is necessary advocate for him/her. You have a good head on your shoulders and I believe you can make the right decision.
Welcome to the forum and let us know if there is anything else we can do for you. You will find a lot of support here from different members. Just keep checking back.
I have received a lot of support & feedback already, you're right. Thank you so much! Right now, my son & the pregnant mother of his child, are not speaking to me due to the fact that I said I won't take any more phone calls or anything unless it is to get help for him. It's very difficult not knowing what is going on w/them but as of now, I don't really know what else to do, other than stand my ground. I figure we'll get through this somehow I'm just hoping & praying for a positive outcome that doesn't include having to call DCFS or the police once the baby's here.
I hope you get a positive outcome as well and kudos for your strength. I know it isn't easy to do this. You cannot protect everybody but you are protecting yourself and you are trying to protect the baby and that is something to be proud of.
Very proud of you!!!
Keep checking back in and let us know how you are doing.
hello and welcome. you are not alone in this. I have walked this road also.
remember there is always hope...........I know it is hard believe at this point. one year ago today. I was in the very spot you are with my daughter, she is 21. she was on opiate pills. today she has been in a Christian recovery home for 7 months. I have a husband who is a recovering addict has been clean for 3 years and a son 27 who has been in recovery for 4 years.
I also have 2 sons who are 13 & 15. they experience more with their dad, older brother and sister than some people will experience in a lifetime. the arguing, lying, stealing, rage, dysfunction, arrests, chaos, heartache, on and on.........
there is always hope..... please don't give up. you are right to stop the enabling, I know how their addiction can destroy us, it is so hard to let go and let GOD, but that is what needs to happen. don't enable, don't help, I had to kick all three of them out at different times and they all got the help they needed, in their time. when they were ready.
it can make us so sick, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
I had to be hospitalized quit a few times, with extreme panic attacks so much that they thought I was having strokes or heart attacks, I experienced migrane headaches for years. have you sought counseling and or attended alanon?
we didn't cause their addiction, we cant control their addiction and we cant stop their addiction.
keep the faith.... he has to get sick and tired of being sick and tired. you're right as long as the girlfriend is supply him with a place to stay, he doesn't have to change. she will tire of it, she has to decide when that is.
keep posting for support.
do you have a pastor you can speak with?
sending hope, support, encouragement and prayers,
there is always hope....
Contact an interventionist!!!! It costs money, but think about your son! The interventionist can help you and your son's girlfriend convince him to go to rehab!! Do an internet search on interventionists and there are some close to where you live probably. I did this and it helps!!! They talked me thru very tough times and my son is in rehab now!
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