boyfriend is struggling to remain clean-i found out im pregnant
My boyfriend of a year has been struggling with addiction for at least 10 years(has had a few ODs). he was clean for about a year prior to our relationship and about 5 months in he relapsed.this is his 3rd time at least since we've been together, ive stayed by his side through his ups and downs, saw the parts of his personality that i felt ashamed to be his girlfriend. Well now its my struggle and he's left me to deal with it on my own. Our relationship hadn't been going well for some time due to schedules. He worked seconds or midnights at a factory job he hated-but would pick up overtime shifts left and right. i had school and worked mornings. we agreed to make sundays our day to hang out-yet he continued to blow me off for work or sleep-who knows. so i broke up with him but we agreed to try and make it work. i had some suspisions that something was off with him but wasn't sure. then i found out i was pregnant. i knew deep down that an abortion was the best thing. We are both in are late 20's-he already as a 4 year old that he doesnt see as much as he'd like. I'd love to be a mom but the fact that he's not the man that i want him to be at this point, neither of us live on our own or are financially capable and my epilepsy(id have to change meds which means i cant drive for a while and schools an hour away) have justified my decision to have the abortion-and i did two days ago. He was against it and has in no way been there for me during the ordeal. He dealt with it by not talking about it and doing pills. he checked himself into a detox facility that he was at for a few days. he's no out and still is cold and has said cruel things to me. he says his view of me is different, that my morals/soul/character is not what he thought. Ive never lied to him about anything. i stood by him through his lies and stealing...something against my morals...but he turned his back on me and makes me feel like a horrible person. i just wanted what was best for us-to get our relationship better,him to better himself-go to college,etc---a child was not a way to repair everything.
id just appreciate some feedback/words of wisdom if anyone has been through this
Hi and welcome to the forum. You have been thru quite an ordeal here. Dealing with an addict is not easy. My suspicions tell me he is using just by what you have written. Blaming others and distancing ourselves is a classic sign. These are his problems and one you dont need to take on. He also showed his true colors during the time you found out you were pg to having the abortion. That is never an easy decision to make. My advice to you is to seek some therapy or alanon. Educate yourself on addiction. It is very complex and it lives within us all our lives. You are young with a life time ahead of you. Being with an addict who is not getting proper recovery care will be very painful for you. An addict has to want to stop their behavior on their own. Nothing anyone else can say will change their mind. Your life will be filled with insanity until that happens. I know first hand as i am a recovering addict. Take care of you, you are what is important. Keep talking to us, we care~~~sara
i think you sound very mature and you made a tough choice. i would have done the same. you can't trust an addict, and you can't let them drag you down. you may need to disconnect entirely from him, no phones, no emails or text to show him you mean business. you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and are going places. he can make his own choices to stay where he is at or get better and fight for you back, at your level! best wishes to you
we finally talked yesterday. it felt like a lot of weight off to get everything out. painful but relief. he's decided that he has to focus on himself to get better and cant give me what i need out of a relationship right now. it was hard to hear that.im someone that believes that if u love someone(which he does) then you want to get through those struggles together.
It is true that if you love someone you get thru it together but he really needs this time to take care of himself. We have to be really selfish when it comes to recovery. We have buried many demons during our using and we have to deal with this. Recovery is a slow process and needs to be. He cant fully commit to anything right now except his recovery. While he is doing this you do the same. Learn all you can about addiction. If this is meant to be it will happen.
had an anxiety attack this morning at work.scary because ive never had one and didn't know what was happening.i had chest pain and they said i turned pale green. i went to urgent care and they referred me to a behavior care place-the same place my ex went to for detox.it was a weird feeling walking through the facility because he was here just a week prior. i have an appointment with a therapist in a week. i'm nervous that I'll be told i have some type of post traumatic disorder. but i had reiki done during class so that has helped.didn't cry the whole hour drive home. i bought some vitamins: fish oil, HTP supplement-it releases seretonin, iron and a stress tonic. my friend gave me an herbal tincture. just trying to find ways to better myself and get past this and over my ex.
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