is he still using ?

Hi. I have been dating a guy for almost a year now. We do not live together but do spend a significant amount of time together. About a month ago, I found a white substance in his bathroom. I confronted him and he denied knowing what it was and dropped the subject. I was subsuspicious of the substance because from what I've read online it was most likely heroin. I bought a test kit online and indeed it was heroine! I confronted my boyfriend in a very calm and understanding manner and he then admitted he had been using for quite some time. I told him I did not agree with this behavior and would leave if he did not seek help for his addition. He went to his doctor and was prescribed suboxone and says he's bow clean and feels better than ever. My question is, how would i know without drug testing him if he's actually clean? He has agreed to consoling but refuses rehab and he is very open about his addiction. Something tells me he might be lying because he stays up all night, sweats, mood swings and still has friends that use drugs. Is this normal or am I missing something?

[Bubulous]

Hello and welcome to the forum,

If he is staying on his suboxone then he is not likely still on it.  It blocks a lot of the effects of it and he would learn that it is a waste of money to take the sub and use heroin.  If he is still hanging out with friends that use, I would consider that a red flag.  Addicts are good at hiding their addiction and if you found the white powder in the bathroom you are not likely to find it in there again.  I hope that he is actually working his recovery.  If he is not it will be revealed eventually.  The best thing I can recommend is give him a chance but don't make any advancements in the relationship for a while.  Since he is just starting his recovery I would wait a while before I let him move in or except his proposal, if that gets brought up.  You don't want ot be back on here in a year saying I think my husband is using again.  Just be careful and watch out for yourself.  Suboxone is still a narcotic and if he is not taking it responsibly (as prescribed) then he could be doubling up on it if he gets more than one a day.  If he is he would be showing signs of withdraw like you mentioned above.  My friend was recently on suboxone and he didn't experience any withdraws when he was taking it.  However he did start abusing it and eventually went back to using again.  If you see another red flag break it off you don't want to get stuck in this cycle.  Since you too aren't married you don't have much invested in it so don't put yourself through it.
Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

[tigers1989]

Thank you for the response. I want to believe he is getting clean but I have major doubts about our relationship now. When I first confronted him, he admitted he wanted to use and didn't want to stop. It wasn't until I said I would leave and when I informed his family of the problem. I'm not one to tolerate nonsense. I feel like he's only stopping for the time being until he feels like he can fool me again. I've tore his house apart to look for evidence but have found addicts hide drugs very well. He still has his straw and piece of glass and razor blades in the bathroom ( which I know the exact position of) but no drugs to be seen. I'm hoping he's true to himself and realizes this will ruin his life and his social surroundings. If I do find or suspect him of using I will simply leave with no regrets. Thanks again.

[Bubulous]

Oh dear,
If he still has that sh!t in the bathroom and he knows it is there.......
Tell him to throw it away, tell him good luck, and get out of this.  From what I have heard you can snort subs too.  If he is doing that it is only a matter of time.  Don't put yourself through this.  You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of trauma.. Do you know what a thousand yard stare is?  It is a stare someone gets when they are exhausted from fear and trauma.  It makes your skin crawl if you have never seen it before.  It is a look I saw in many soldiers and in my wife after living with me through my addiction.  You are well on your way to acquiring this so read some of these other posts on here and see what happens when this progresses.  I am not being mean I just never get the chance to talk to somebody who could easily get out of this with their soul still intact.  Life is hard don't make it harder.

[tigers1989]

Thank you again. I guess I'm trying to just give him a chance and trust him. But I feel like something is wrong. I'm 26 and been through collage with a great career and family. I thought he was the one until this. I know what the right thing is and its for me to leave and let him figure it out on his own. I cannot understand the addiction because I'm not an addict. I don't feel like understanding it or tearing through his personal space to catch him. I believe God gives you an intuition and you decide whether you use it or not. I don't want to be a wife of an addict . Thanks again and I'm definitely getting out of dodge !

[Bubulous]

Thank you I would have worried about you.  Like I said life is going to be hard anyway but you just dodged a bullet.

[Nighthawk61]

If you ever see drug paraphernalia again, in a loved one's bathroom or home, feel free to get rid of it for him. It can't hurt any. I'm sorry to hear this has happened. I got off of heroin ct without any "help" from the doctors. That's when you know an addict is really serious about getting clean and sober, IMO. Anything else is obviously suspect. Clean is clean, and dirty is dirty. Glad to hear you're taking your life, your career and your future back from the brink of possible hell. If he's serious, he'll let you know. An addict who doesn't want to lose their family will do just about anything to prove it. I initiated two years of blood and urine testing every second day for over two years to prove to myself and my family that I was serious, after gong ct from heroin and cocaine, IV drug use. Strong is strong, clean is clean and and anything else is playing. Best wishes to you in the new year. Live your best life, and don't look back. He has the opportunity to get ahead of you and let you know he's genuine. It's done all the time. Expect the Best for Yourself Always.

[tigers1989]

Well he is going to his doctor he says anyways . But as soon as I asked to go with him he said his doctor is nuts and isn't prescribing him the right dose of suboxone. That to me is weird.

[Bubulous]

It's not weird, what is it?  Do you remember.......a red flag.  Time to cut the line and throw that fish back in.  He is not the one.  Take a stand and don't try to nurture or help him.  I am the ghost of Christmas future:

My fiance and me have been together for 3 years. The first two years were amazing...this past year is when I started to realized a significant difference. He finally came clean n has been snorting roxy 15s and 30s daily and a lot of them. He used to be the sweetest person, now I do not know who he is. I don't want to give up on him but I think I might have to...he has only admitted he was addicted once or twice. He says his body feels like worms are crawling throughout him without them, then denies it now. At first I thought it was just a stage but he is to far gone, he gets so Damn mean on them he will say the meanest, most cruelest things and will get mad within seconds over the smallest things. Roxys are ruining US. I love him so very much and do not want to let go but he is so cruel on them and it has made my life hell. He ends  our engagement atleast three times a month n then I leave, and he begs me back. Is it normal to become EVIL on these? I might be pregnant and need advice.... people that know from experience or professionals PLEASE HELP.

This is someone who didn't get to find out early.  Please take a stand on this.  You are too smart for this.