supportive gf of a vicotin pain killer addict bf

I am writing this post because I have found myself in a situation that needs remedy. I love my bf, he has so much to offer, and has had a difficult past due to injuries. He never blames anyone else for his situation that he has become a part of, and in fact, almost refuses help from others, since he feels so bad for the way he is right now. I want to be supportive, and help as much a I can because no one should have to go through this alone. He was in a car accident a couple years back and broke his neck and had surgery on it, and was put on Vicotn for a pain killer, but as anyone knows..it can be easy to become addicted to it even when taking the prescribed dosage and strength. He is in a cycle right now that he is struggling to decide between taking some pills and feeling good for the day, or not taking the pills and feeling the pain of his aching neck. I now it's easy to succumb to the "quick fix", but the week and sometimes weeks following his pill ingest from the day, is not so pretty. He knows the right thing to do is not to take the pills to begin with, nevertheless, easier said then done. His PAWS symptoms afterwards are taking a toll on him, and naturally, others around him. His withdraw symptoms range from agitation, sleepiness,  sleep apnea, restless sleep, temperature sensitivity, muscle twitches, problems with motivation, depression,  anger, and even seems to be uncaring of others around him.

So here's my question: What can I do to help him, I know I can be of help if I am armed with the proper "tools" to do so. What can i do to be supportive, what can I say, if anything to let him know I understand or at least can imagine how it feels, and how can I help him stay on the right track and not take any more pills, but at the same time, help alleviate his neck pain so maybe he wont think as much about taking them. He is pulling away from me, and becoming distant and frankly, being a jerk at times. This doesn't deter me right now because I am looking at the bigger picture, and know that he will get through this. PLEASE any advice would be helpful.

[uber_jen]

am writing this post because I have found myself in a situation that needs remedy. I love my bf, he has so much to offer, and has had a difficult past due to injuries. He never blames anyone else for his situation that he has become a part of, and in fact, almost refuses help from others, since he feels so bad for the way he is right now. I want to be supportive, and help as much a I can because no one should have to go through this alone. He was in a car accident a couple years back and broke his neck and had surgery on it, and was put on Vicodin for a pain killer, but as anyone knows..it can be easy to become addicted to it even when taking the prescribed dosage and strength. He is in a cycle right now that he is struggling to decide between taking some pills and feeling good for the day, or not taking the pills and feeling the pain of his aching neck. I now it's easy to succumb to the "quick fix", but the week and sometimes weeks following his pill ingest from the day, is not so pretty. He knows the right thing to do is not to take the pills to begin with, nevertheless, easier said then done. His PAWS symptoms afterwards are taking a toll on him, and naturally, others around him. His withdraw symptoms range from agitation, sleepiness,  sleep apnea, restless sleep, temperature sensitivity, muscle twitches, problems with motivation, depression,  anger, and even seems to be uncaring of others around him.

So here's my question: What can I do to help him, I know I can be of help if I am armed with the proper "tools" to do so. What can i do to be supportive, what can I say, if anything to let him know I understand or at least can imagine how it feels, and how can I help him stay on the right track and not take any more pills, but at the same time, help alleviate his neck pain so maybe he wont think as much about taking them. He is pulling away from me, and becoming distant and frankly, being a jerk at times. This doesn't deter me right now because I am looking at the bigger picture, and know that he will get through this. PLEASE any advice would be helpful.

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome!

Does your bf want to get clean and find alternative pain management? If so, it would be best if he created his own account and talk with the members here. Often times the written word, especially on the internet, become "misunderstood." It is difficult when a third party is involved. So it would be best if he was on.

Also, it seems that you have done some reading or research because you mentioned PAWS. PAWS typically appears three to six months of being clean. IT IS VERY RARE. I doubt he has it. Be careful what you are reading.

So you know, the majority of the members here started with injuries that required pain medication. I have five herniated disk and a host of other things. My problem is that if the bottle says "One every six hours for pain" that meant "Six every one hour for pain".

I commend you for wanting to help but in all honesty you are out of your element. Addicts (and  mean me) are very sneaky and can easily fool others into believing a bunch of things. I am being honest with you in hopes that you will understand.

See if he will come on. In the meantime read on here and get opinions from other members who will respond to this post.

I wish you both the best and hope that he makes it.

[uber_jen]

He was honest with me and he did mention the PAWS term with me. He frequents this site quite a bit, and he does so to try to help himself through this. I want to help him as well, so he doesn't have to alone. He hasn't taken them in a long while, so I suppose that is why he may be experiencing PAWS. I am pretty intuitive, and I get that he was sneaky with me to begin with, in fact, i suspected something like this was going on, even though I  recently have just met him. What might he be sneaky about? It was very hard for hm to come out with this news to me. I think it is great he did..will only help him knowing I know now. He has a lot of stress at work, so I am thinking maybe that is what got him started again after being clean for so long. A year prior to this starting he was severely addicted apparently since the accident. I met him when he hadn't started back up again, so i know how he is "normally" and I know how he is when he is in withdraws. Please, any advice to help him through and stay strong?

[IBKleen]

How long have you been with him hun?

It is hard to love an addict. Trust me on that one. I know you want to help but you can't fix him. I am so sorry.

Addiction is a disease and there is no cure..only remission with a lot of work.I don't know how old you are or your situation but I am just giving you facts in an effort to help you. And please believe me I am not trying to be negative. I am doing the devil's advocate.

[uber_jen]

Everyone deserves love, no matter what they are going through or who they are. It wasn't hard to see the real him. I am 28 years old whatever that matters and I understand your position but I am only asking for help, tops of any kind. I don't need a doom scenario, but rather a positive outlook scenario on this topic. I know the consequences, or negative aspects on being with someone like this. I'm well aware.

[daysoffourlives]

Dear Jen, first of all, you're being great and positive in showing true love to your boyfriend that's I felt he required lots and lots of attention from his most closed one. I believe you're the one. OK let me figure the irritating action that in might be giving you is not the real him? In my thinking he is feeling damn emotional of his usage addiction and he is afraid to hurt you further,  that why he react that way to make you feel lost hope on him everybody thinking is different and I am sharing my point of view as being an addict myself,  

I would suggest you to continue shower him with loves and be thru with him hopefully it will trigger his mind that he should gave this hell up because you deserve the whole of him rather then medication,

What ibkleen says is also right, he must have the wanting to quit spirit in him and fully understand that's it's ruining not only his health but those beside him, that is why at point of time some addict need to be shown tough love but some need it soft, overall it the drug that controlling him now,

If you been him long you will see how drug are important to him, we addict first thing is to see how much left grab one take and thinking of way funding lying etc...  ibkleen might .hoping you to understand that your boyfriend need to want to change for himself and you can't change him but I felt you can touched him!

I wish the best for you and him hoping to see your post on his recovery soon with your love and patient

God bless you
Cherie

[candy_17]

Jen I can relate to your situation all too well. My boyfriend of 11 months was addicted to opiates and then methadone. It's been a rollercoaster of emotions these past months. Despite his addiction I loved him as well and was also warned of how hard it was to be in a relationship with an addict. However I didn't heed that warning. Lie after lie broke me down, disappointment after disappointment. I finally got serious! What he done was directly affecting my life and my children's lives so I put my foot down and made him see how serious I was. I cut off all communication with him for 8 weeks and told him if he was serious about getting clean for him to do it and call me once he was and until then I didn't want to see him or talk to him. I'm not saying you have to that. What I'm saying is its super important for you to make your boyfriend accountable for his addiction and its important to have a plan and for him to stick to it. It's great that you love and support him but please also know you have to protect yourself and know that he wants you to be apart of this with him with honesty and openness. Encouraging words are helpful, tell him how proud of him that you are, help to motivate him to exercise as much as possible, offer to attend na meetings with him, encourage him to go..very important for him to be in aftercare. I don't know how your relationship is wth him taking your comment in consideration that he was being a jerk to you, but if he continues to treat you that way please know that withdrawls doesn't give him a right to treat you badly and you shouldn't tolerate that no matter what. Good luck!

[uber_jen]

Thank you so much Candy_17, and Daysoffourlives. Really have helped me with your comments. My bf does want to stop very bad. This apparently is his first relapse in a long while since he was addicted to begin with. Each day is different in terms of how he is feeling. Yesterday he didn't even want to see me because he was in such a mood. To be honest, I have only known him for a few weeks, but he wasn't on any pills and I got to know the "real" him.We both fell in love fast, it was a connection I have ever felt before quite like this, and we know we both love each other. Just been real hectic at work lately so that is why I am suspecting him to have gone back to using. He is very hard on himself about this issue, and i tell him to cut himself a little slack. Not sure i this is a good thing to say. It's hard because I want to  be there for him-good and bad-but he is starting to pull away, so he can be by himself. I know everyone is different, but, if it were me, I would love the company o someone who loves me, so this confuses me. I also agree with the point made about not being an excuse to treat me bad, or to be mean and uncaring to me. It's like night and day when it happens. I am shocked but then I tell myself it's the withdraw symptoms. I just thought he should try to control it more, but then is that fair to say with all the emotional, physical feeling he is going through right now? I don't know. I guess time will tell how strong we both are. He wasnt using when I met him, and he used for one day since, so we will see if he does not use again(he has gotten pills from a colleague at work)then I can definitely see this being a very good relationship to stay in. If he does use again, it is very hard to keep with the roller coaster. I've been with a bf who had bi-polar, was there for him for 8 years, a boyfriend who was addicted to weed...had to have it first thing in the morning and all day, a boyfriend who was an alcoholic. So I know people don't come problem-free...I don't give up, but I don't know if I can honestly go through this again...I put my all into relationships, work hard at them, and have probably one of the biggest hearts out there..my goal is always making others happy. Candy--what ever happened to your ex bf? Did he get clean?

[candy_17]

Oh I didn't tell the good part..did I? My boyfriend is 44 days clean!!! I am 32 days clean. See my addiction was benzos that I didn't consider an addiction because they were prescribed....ha I was very wrong. I was able to be a functional productive addict....if there's such a thing, basically I was sneaky and didn't allow myself to fall apart for everyone to see, other than my boyfriend. He was actually being stronger than me because he admitted his problem and struggle and that he needed help and he quit it all ct 12 days before I even did! But I did and we grew even closer, we have basically spent every second together for these 44 days. He's now gone back to work and we are doing better than ever! We laugh so much more, sex is more enjoyable, we enjoy food so much more, go more places, do more things and talk and respect each other so much more. I know I would've never done this without him and he will tell you the same thing about him, he would've never done this without me. There is a wonderful life after addiction. I wish you the best.

[uber_jen]

Awesome...really sent shivers down my spine (good ones hehe). So glad t worked out...goes to show when two people love each other, and really care, sometimes the best way is just that, with the company of others. It does help, and you guys supported each other. Good for you guys, really happy for you both. My bf is slowly getting better I think, prob be a couple more weeks until he is "normal" again, and this is just after taking a handful of pills a couple weeks back...he is still experiencing the after effects, and says he will prob for up to a month more...I think he'll be fine in a couple weeks, he is already acting more himself now. Keep me posted, once again..congrats! :-)