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tired cant deal
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WELCOME TO THE ADDICTION: LIVING WITH AN ADDICT COMMUNITY. This patient support community is for family members and loved ones of people who are substance abuse addicts. Discussions cover how to help your loved one, enabling, coping with the emotional impact of addiction, intervention, and when to seek medical help. If you are not a family member of a substance abuse addict and instead need help with your addiction, please visit our Addiction: Substance Abuse Community to get the support you need.

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tired cant deal

I am living with a hydro addict.  Why do I feel bad because he hates me so much.  I did not take from our famly to feed my addiction, I did not lie, Now that he is having to quit or loose famly he rubs it in my face how he would love to be around anyone but me, he hates me.  How do I deal with this, I just want to pack up and move out get away from him.But I do love him
8 Comments Post a Comment
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3149845_tn?1415046551
Hi and welcome, sorry your going through this. As with most addicts self denial  and blaming others is common. Since hes quiting, stick around a bit longer to see if he returns back to the person you feel in love with before.
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1235186_tn?1339127464
Hello and welcome. I am the wife of a recovering addict. I know everything g you are living with. The anger, hurts, disappointments, lies, deceit, sadness, hatred, bitterness, trust issues, the name calling, otional abuse,financial issues,fear,uncertainty, stealing, betrayal.............the list goes on and on. We become their scapegoat, the blame gets shifted to us, we suffer from their addiction, we get just as sick as they do. We bear the brunt of the addiction. I lived in and with my husbands addiction for many years. All the I am sorrys, I stopped, never again, only to find out it is still going on.
I could leave with my 4 children, no job, I asked him to leave many times and he wouldn't . After me asking him to leave for about 4 years he finally did and got the help he needed.
If you can leave I would do it. Nothing changes, if nothing changes.
I took control of the finances as we were ready to lose out house. When he didn't have money to finance his addiction he went to a rehab.
Have you tried alanon? 12 steps stings for the loved ones of addicts?
You will get support  there. We become enablers.
Yes we do love our husbands but we hate what the addiction has done to them, us and our families .
His addiction is not your fault, you can't control it and you can't stop it. He needs to get sick and tired of being sick And tired.
There is always hope.....
Keep the faith....
Take care of you.....
Keep talking to us...
Sending encouragement, support, prayers,
Debbie
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Avatar_f_tn
I made an appointment to go to alanon meeting tonight i told my husband i needed to undarstand how to help him.  now he is talking like he is guilty telling me he has to do this alone, and he swears he has not taken any pills today.  I don't think I beleive him.  I really do not think he wants me to go but I have to this is my last attempt to try and understand and deal with this problem before I leave him
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Avatar_f_tn
I made an appointment to go to alanon meeting tonight i told my husband i needed to undarstand how to help him.  now he is talking like he is guilty telling me he has to do this alone, and he swears he has not taken any pills today.  I don't think I beleive him.  I really do not think he wants me to go but I have to this is my last attempt to try and understand and deal with this problem before I leave him
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Avatar_f_tn
I understand how you feel completely. I have been married since I was 18. We have 3 kids. For the last 5-6 years my husband has been a methadone addict. When he couldn't get the methadone any more. He moved to lortabs & adderall (adderrall). I know how painful it is. Their mood swings are unreal. They have no money. Their time isn't accounted for. You think their one place and find out their not there. I always felt as though he hated me. He would stay in the bed all weekend. Come Monday he was running out the door. He was so hateful. He would fly off the handle for nothing. Then later would completely butter me over. He got to the point he wouldn't go no where with us. If he did he would just ruin it anyways with attitude an rage fits.

I had no clue what was wrong with him. I'd notice money was missing but he always had some excuse. For the longest I'd think he was on something and I'd go snooping an confront him. Always he had a excuse and I could never catch him. I always assumed his actions were cause he hated me an our life together cause at times he was so hateful.

Finally I caught him an he outed himself. Finally told me all of what was going on. He said," it wasn't about getting high!" It was about feeling normal and not sick.  That he's tried to stop but the craving an pain was to much.

This has been so hard on me. I have cried,lost weight,gained weight,& many other things over this.
I finally had to see that this isn't my fault. I didn't do this,he did. I'm his wife though,and I had to decide if I was gonna stay an help him?


We started seeing a doctor an he is doing the suboxone. Now, I was totally against this at first. To me(non-addict) I looked at it like another drug to do. I had to look over that. After seeing the specialist and talking with a counselor I was able to cope with it. Now,this was our path. Your path may be different. I can say that I love the office we go to. I love the support I get there. I love that they are there when I need them. It took me going in there an talking to other addicts to better understand the Disease. I never looked at it that way. I only saw them as druggies who want to get high. I had to retrain my own brain.

It's still a road ahead of us. It's a daily struggle. I'm sure the fear an worry of the what ifs will always be there. For now though I have my husband back. It's very enjoyable now.

But the consequences have been laid out.. I will not enable  him anymore.  
If he choses to use again.
If he stops treatment.
Me an the kids are leaving. I have to hold him to these things. His doctor told him in front of me. That if I stay when he messes up then I'm enabling him.

I hope some of this helps?
Prayers & Hugs!!
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Avatar_m_tn
I can understand your situation, but will feel you to keep little more patience about this as this is a critical issue and if you will be weak, then it would be difficult for him to recover from this.
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480448_tn?1403547723
Tiredwife's husband has to put the work in HIMSELF. Your post above is a little confusing, I'm not sure what you're telling the OP she needs to do.  All she can do is learn for herself about addiction, and support him in his recovery, but not support him in his addiction by enabling.  Sure, it takes time, and patience is helpful...but whatever SHE needs to do at this point is what she needs to do.  His recovery is on HIM, not her.
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4730868_tn?1362623278
I was an addict myself and I can say that how he is acting is merely the drugs speaking. You have to realize that when he is on drugs, he is a completely different person then when sober. The drugs make him someone he is not. He doesn't hate you, he hates himself. He is voicing how he feels on you. Don't let it break you, don't let him see that it breaks you. In recovery he will come back around and you will see the dramatic change and be astonished by how much can change just by subtracting the drugs.
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