I know some of you have been following my posts for a while, I have been an opiate addict for over 5 years of my life and lost many things and lied to many people. I started a methadone program thinking it would help me and it did but not in the way I thought. The Methadone brought me to my rock bottom faster and made me start to want to live a life free from all of the lies and manipulation and everything. Last week I aquired some suboxone through Illegal means and only purchased enought to do a small 5 day taper, first 8 mg then 4, then I stayed at 4 and then went to two, and so on until I was down to nothing, I had no W/D symptomes what so ever,
Before I started the SUbs I was down to 15 mg/ day on methadone and skipped my dose a day before I tried the Sub, I started with 4 mg but it was not enough and I thought I might go into Precipitated W/D so I took another 4 MGs and then I felt fine, the next day I went down to 4 and same thing, I felt fine............ I would not suggest doing what I did if you are on Methadone but I know that in my situation it was that or be stuck on a Legal Addiction for the rest of my life, and I was not going to let myself become just a Number in a system that give me a little cup of pink Liquid, and my life revolves around that dose every day for the rest of my life, NO I WILL NOT LIVE THAT WAY!!!!
Today is my first day since I stopped taking anything and I have no W/D symptoms what so ever, its as if God Blessed me with Happy Heart and a bright spirit to share, I had a very huge awakening and closeness with God today and I was so emotional I had to write a Poem about my experience, I hope others can read this Poem and relate>:
"Dice with the Devil"
Many roads I have traveled
Many questions I have unraveled
I once drowned in my own tears only to wake up alone
Alone in my solitude of shame and guilt
Alone I went and rolled the dice
One was the Devil and the other Christ
I lost the bet went on to live my life
Always alone, lost in darkness looking for light
Alone again I rolled the dice
This time one was Wrong and the other was Right
Alone I was when I hit the ground
I looked for Strength but none was found
Lost of sight and deaf to sound
I opened my eyes and slowly woke
Looking up at a man who smiled and spoke:
“My Son, I have these dice for you to throw
and then an answer that you need to know”
Again I rolled the dice but was not alone
Down I looked but no answer was shown
The man just smiled and slowly said:
“I give you Gods love not left to chance
Never again must you step to the devils dance”
Again I woke this time with a Poem
Loved by knowing that I was never truly alone
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