Weekend Alcoholic?

[StaciaJ]

I have always thought my fince drinks to much.  When we were dating he refused to talk about it because we weren't "serious" yet.  Now that we are engaged, we have talked about it but each discussion is painful and usually ends in yelling.  The original issue was that he drank something every night "to relax".  I was able to get him to limit his drinking to the weekends but now it seems like he makes up for every drink he didn't get during the week over the weekend.  He isn't agressive or abusive but he is sloppy so he doesn't think it's a problem.  He also loves to compare himself to his friends who drink "way more" than he does and compares me to their wives who "don't ***** about it".  His drinking doesn't effect his work or ability to pay his bills.  His drinking only effects me.  When I try to tell him he's had enough we fight and he has more drinks anyway.

Am I over reacting?  Is it ok for him to get drunk every Friday and Saturday night since he didn't drink all week?

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

His drinking bothers YOU.  Who drinks more, or any other yardstick is irrelevant.  I suggest you take these concerns very seriously.  Don't sign up for a lifetime of behavior that is both very uncomfortable to you and which he is largely unwilling to discuss.  This is a prescription for misery.  I strongly suggest couples therapy and if he is unwilling that you get out.  It is very unlikely to get better over time on its own.

tg