loosing control of all thoughts

I have been diagnosed with OCD, the thoughts.  I have had counselling in the past and Flaxetine(?SP)  the medication made my hair fall out in lumps and didn't feel the councillor helped.  I have been offered different medication, however, the lists and lists of side effects made me even more on edge :{ and never took them.  And I have tried the website, jym.com

I find the more stressed out in life I am, the worse it gets.  I have gone from being a very socialible drinker/drug taker (8 years ago) to a recluse.  I can't/don't want to or not able to build relationships with new people, for worrying about what I'm going to say next, what they think of me and second guessing myself. I am manic one minute jumping around dancing, singing, doing impressions, to being sensible mum again bossing people around to put things away.  I seem to have an addictive personality, if I do it, I do it to extreme, if I don't, i.e...smoking, drinking, drug taking I hate everyone else around me still doing them and will cut them out of my life.  Maybe that's a good thing, but bad if I meet them in the street because I don't know what to say to them which bring me back to the lack of concentration in communication.  LOL, so do you see my problem :)

I have little or no self-esteem, pick at acne to a point that wholes appear in my face and I need surgery, scratch at Dermatitis, ***** and moan that people are thoughtless and rude, that woman are conniving and out for themselves.  I seem to also have an ongoing tally system that accumulates points against people if they annoy me, people only really get one chance with me and then they are subsequently blanked in the street which annoys me even more.

I am a Leo and understand that we/I are very strong characters, am I being really hard on myself or have I simply offered many different types of conditions, I do appreciate that my wild party days have probably contributed to my hyper-sensitivity...

[Ted A Grossbart, Ph.D.]

I'm very sorry to hear about all the misery, it sounds awful.  I think you have to have another try at professional help, both therapy and meds, as the right combination of the two is most likely to help.  I wonder if you have bipolar disorder, a lot of what you talk about raises that question.  Be sure and see someone who has experience with it and can do a through evaluation before prescribing.  This is clearly a serious set of problems that need serious help, be sure you get it.

tg
http://grossbart.com