Is this an abuse or not?

[skrom]

My husband and I have a different sexual desire. He wants to have a sex almost every night, but for me it is OK to have it once in two weeks. He is really insisiting on having sex more often, and although I have no desire I have to follow his request. He does not forse me, but keeps tauching me and asking for sex, untill I finally give up. I was trying to explain him, I get tired by the end of the day and just want to sleep, but itv seems when he is in a mood nothing can stop him. If I decide to avoid sex, he will be mad at me and might stop talking to me for a couple days. From another point I realize if I will not have sex with him he might start looking around. What should I do?

[margypops]

your opinion .....do not bring mine into it......its about the poster not me ......

[margypops]

My response still stands ,you do not have to have sex if you do not want to , tell him how you feel, what kind of relationship would you have if you are tired and you give way each night , it will make you resentful,and unhappy ...go with your gut ,its telling you not to... unless you want to ...its about your own self worth, tell him how you feel if he loves you he will understand ...good Luck

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, wouldn't this be like any other conflict in a marriage?  Isn't communication and compromise the best policy?  Isn't sex about intimacy rather than the act?  Okay, men are men but I think a spouse's feelings on the subject should count.  Mine do.  I actually commend this poster for also thinking of the flip side and realizing sex is important to her mate.  She may work that factor into her compromise and instead of every day come up with a two times a week schedule.  But communication is the key here.  Sex drive takes a nose dive when one spouse makes it clear that it is about the act vs. the intimacy of it.  Demanding it sends that message.  Just my opinion.  We need to feel like our feelings count in a relationship.

[RockRose]

This thread is a bunch of women talking about intimacy, and communication,  and sex.

Guys want sex.  I'm 50,  and I know this now.  To  a guy,  sex means all those things,  and to  a woman,  they want to cuddle and communicate and largely be left alone in bed if they don't feel like having sex.

Husbands aren't like that.  It doesn't take that much effort to give them that.  It takes more effort to refuse.  And MAN will it make your life better and more fun.  

Margy,  I'm sorry if somehow I seem to have offended you.  

[Rainbow_Ike]

It sounds to me (and i have a degree in social work) that your husband has a problem that he is not facing - not the sex, but his anger.
It isn't TECHNICALLY abuse, but borders on it. You should check with your local police or district attorney's office (whoever it is who brings criminals to justice in MA - you know from TV) what your rights are about saying know. In some states, if  a wife says NO and the husband proceeds to have sex against her will, it's RAPE - in other's it is not.
Are you in therapy? You live in a large community - or at least near one. If you cannot afford it, there is probably some low cost or free alternatives. Try the woman's abuse hotline if you need help with counseling. They can also answer the "when is it rape?" question, come to think of it.

My suggestion is twisting his arm to get him into couple's therapy.

Have you ever ever heard of a famous Greek comedy called Lysistrata? She organizes all the women of Athens and Sparta to end a war. How?
They take over the Acropolis of both cities, where the treasuries were located, so no $$ - and NO SEX FOR ANY MARRIED MEN!

How about no meals and no sex until he agrees to couples counseling - even if you have to go stay at a friend's house? You can dp the other chores, including shopping, when you know he is at work.

Just a suggestion.

Ike

[Rainbow_Ike]

SP: It worked - that war ended.

Ike