Full of anxiety and?

[sadinmichigan]

I was hesitant to post...but then not wanting to,made me realize ,I probably should now more than any other time.
I am on day 16..All I can think about the nasty pills that i know are in my own home..I can't get rid of them because they are not mine. I feel like k-todd said earlier..Just want to punch something..I feel like "IT" is trying to win. I was feeling so good and the last few days..Just down,down,down. The overwhelming anxiety that comes...out of nowhere!! I mean BAMB! Your doing ok and then it hits you like a ton of bricks. i guess not wanting to post ..scared me.making me feel like I didn't want to hear it..but I do.I  am so tired of fighting with myself. I was on the phone with my good friend  confused and didn't even tell her how I was feeling. (I have since apologized to her) Why did i just do that? I have come so far..but not far enough.

[sadinmichigan]

i have been trying all day to find my daughter...I talked to her roommate..I can't get a grip at the moment...i will call in a sec...Love you..Lisa

[confused456]

what is goin on???????????

[sadinmichigan]

thankyou for getting me through the horrible night...I wish I could say I was fine..but I'm just not..
savas..thankyou...I will be happy again someday...

[confused456]

Of course I am here, I am talkin to ya on the phone silly!!!!!!

[Savas]

Hello luv...don't be sad, be glad!

(...at least you'll get a few minutes of distraction while you try to hit me with nearby objects as I duck and hide...I hope you don't have a strong throwing arm, I'm not as fast as I used to be. :)  )

Have you taken a glance at Fladdict's journal? I'm pretty sure she's got detailed instructions on the use and doses of the Htp and "L" stuff.

Try to remember the sadness is in large part a physical reaction. It helps, a bit. If you can keep that thought in mind you can try to avoid that terrible emotional black spiraling that tends to happen when your well into the PAWS...

[sadinmichigan]

I'm here..I finally went to sleep at about 6 am..lol.then back up..K-todd bailed...(just kidding k-todd)  

[confused456]

Hey Louise, are you still around??

[sadinmichigan]

I hope your ok..Yeah..i'm still here talking to myself..lol  it's ok though..I'm listening to my music..finally.But It feels like i haven't talked to you forever..LOL I definately feel better..Wish I could say I was tired...

[sadinmichigan]

Today is the start of my 17th day of pain killer freedom!! And more importantly Jesus has risen!!
I would have consumed at least 180 pills by the end of this day...Thankyou Lord for giving me the strength to resist my sinful flesh and spare my body that poison.And I thankyou for this forum and the wonderful people who have been there for me. I also thankyou for your own that are here..You know who they are...In Jesus name...amen

[sadinmichigan]

Are you ok? I hope so..get the heating pad out..

[sadinmichigan]

hey there..sorry if i kept you awake..LOL That restless leg thing is for the birds!!! I stay awake to avoid that too. How are you doing?  And HAPPY EASTER

[sadinmichigan]

I'm not sure about Todd..lol..but i just can't even think about laying down..I hope you get a good sleep..it's 4 am here. Happy Easter honey..and thankyou too..enjoy that bath..and i will check out my pm..thankyou again..you are a big help too!!!  if..by chance you can't sleep..you know where i'll be..LOL I finally hid all the baskets..whew..even though 2 of my kids aren't living w/ me, I still have 5 here..You take care and have a wonderful day Amy.
Much love
Lisa

[chef4u]

well looks like i cant sleep either one min im tired the next im wired would love a cup of coffee afraid to drink to much might keep me amped even more! my legs cant stop moving!!!

[K Todd]

LOL,

I like "happyinmichigan" much better! - It's more fitting for you..(-:

God Lord, I'll be back in a few, I have to go eat something before I throw up!

Love ya lots!
Todd

[persnick38]

Looks like you two are in for a long night. It's 3 a.m. here and I am finally tired. Going to take a hot bath and go to bed and hopefully sleep soundly.

I sent both of you pm's so check 'em out when you get a chance. You were both a big help to me today. Thanks. Amy

[sadinmichigan]

I am an idiot...it's thelmas birthday today...

[sadinmichigan]

Actually..i can't sleep..for like a month now..(seems like) so I just get mad..and instead of getting mad..I just get up and make coffee.believe it or not..I do try really hard. i just gave it up since i went cold turkey on the pills. plus..i know your going to find this hard to believe..my brain won't ever shut the f3ck up.LOL.and then I can't sleep. plus..I can't sleep in my bed until @ 11 a.m any way..I hate the couch and I don't like to watch t.v..

Eat something..Motrin is a stomach killer.

Whats who gonna do with me?

[K Todd]

So that's why your up all night....non stop coffee drinker! Let me give you a tip, at night time, try decalf...I know, yuck...but then you could sleep!

Yeah, I try not to rub in the weather thing, there's only a handful of us in here in so cal.

What in the world in He going to do with you? - lol  (-:

The alcoholic thing, I read your post, nothing wrong...I also posted twice.

Okay....geeeze I think I took to much Motrin on an empty stomach...it's starting to hurt..blah

Well...talk  - hee hee

[sadinmichigan]

ok..is it me..just because it's late??? or did i read something wrong on the answer to the alcholic..ARGHHH

[sadinmichigan]

what do you mean..how can you ever be done with coffee?  Hmmm.wedding...Sometime when it's warm!!  yeah..i know your out in CAL but us Michiganders cherish..warm weather..ok maybe not cherish..just really like it.
Are you trying to say..i talk toooo much? lol
Thats another thing in my baby album..sorry
Love ya more

[K Todd]

Thelma,

You have a wonderful Easter also!

Lisa, I already drank my coffee....

When is the wedding date? - lol

So....do what your good at Lisa....TALK your little heart out!

Love ya,
Todd

[sadinmichigan]

Finally..Gee!!! i'm glad you can laugh going on day 5..That is truly amazing..I mean that with all my heart. So get your coffee..or whatever..can't imagine anyone not drinking coffee!!!
thema..get your Dr,pepper and buck up! LOL
i love you both

Will you guys/girls marry me?!!! LOL  jk

[confused456]

I am soooo sorry Todd, I did not mean to leave you out. Have a very Happy Easter!!! Good Night and God Bless!!!

[K Todd]

You make me laugh...(-:
'
Okay, looks like were in for a long night...

If you say no joke...I am here to give you all the love and support you need!

Your friend into eternity!
Todd