months and months of lies

[flyforfish]

Well here goes, I have come to the conclusion that it's time for me to go to rehab. The problem is that my wife thinks I've been clean since January.  We've been on this ride two times already, both times I just rode out the acute withdraws for a week. Then I just feel crazy forever developed an anxiety disorder.  So I start using again and it goes on until I get caught again.  Well its that time again where I've run through all my money destroyed my credit and continually lied to my wife about my addiction she thinks I'm clean and doesn't know where the money is going. I do have a legitimate back injury, but I buy off the street too because the doctor has no idea where my tolerance is. I want so badly to be honest I hate myself,  suicide somtimes seems easier than the truth makes me wish I didn't have anybody who cared about it because it'd already be done,  but I'm a coward. I'm scared my wife will leave me. I'm scared I'll never be OK. What about work? We have EAP and great insurance but I can't lose my job I don't know how any of this works.  What I've been doing won't work it's just a cycle. I'm a firefighter so I could easily be fired for being an addict.  My whole life is upside down, and I don't know what to do?

[Jinx_777]

i just copied this info from the doctor forum on addiction

See if your doctor can write you a prescription for some Requip for restlessness, Neurontin for anxiety and malaise, some Flexeril or Soma for a few weeks for muscle spasms and maybe some Seroquel low dose, for sleep. and Clonidine for the creepy-crawly feeling and control of blood pressure variations. It will make your withdrawals easier.  Valerian and Magnesium is sometimes helpful remedies over the counter.

[flyforfish]

Going to the doctor today so I can get my release to go on fmla all my sick leave is used up (2 surgeries this year). I'm pretty well into withdraw at this time one thing that concerns me worse than the other times I've been in withdraw is dehydration. I have had ibs since way before I started using drugs, can they give me anything non narcotic to help that.  I haven't slept in 2 days

[atthebeach]

I am happy to hear this. When you first posted 22 hours ago you stated you thought you needs do to go. She calmed down and now you are probably relieved and happy that you were honest.
It is really the way to go.
You will both get through this and your marriage will survive and get stronger.
It is good that you and your wife have agreed on this.
It will show her that you are serious.
I will give you time to work on your recovery.
Please suggest to her that she go to counseling, attend support groups, celebrate recovery, al-anon, nar-anon. She has to work on her recovery also.

[flyforfish]

Apparently I'm going to rehab I have good insurance. My wife has agreed not to leave me if I go.

[weaver71]

So, you don't want to mention the living with an addict forum, what are you willing to do?

[flyforfish]

I probably won't direct her to the living with an addict page,  I've looked at it before and offered my opinion from my view point before,  but mostly it's horror stories about how we never change.