Bipolar

Hello,

I was diagnosed with Bipolar when I was 15 years old, following a hospital stay for suicidal thoughts. I am 21 now and have taken:

Paxil - which worked for about a year, then I became increasingly violent.
Seroquel - worked well for the short time that I was on it.
Depakote - worked pretty well, but wasn't helping after being on it for about a year.
Celexa - made me real dizzy, so my doc took me off.

I have also tried Wellbutrin, which made me develop racing white spots in my eyes and loss of coordination. I was on that for about a week. I have been on Effexor for the last 4 years or so and have had horrible side effects ever since the first day I started taking them.

I have tried Topamax. Now I am on Neurontin 100 mg (mood stabilizer), Celexa 20 mg (bipolar) and Effexor 37.5 mg to ween myself off of it. I have been doing a lot of research on Neurontin and all I have found are negative things about it i.e: lawsuits, how it's not supposed to be used for anything but Epilepsy etc. I am scared to keep taking it. My psychiatrist assures me that it will be fine and nothing bad will come of it, but I have talked to a different doctor and they tell me differently. My husband is in the military and it is VERY hard to get into a psychiatrist to be evaluated.

I am wondering if I am even bipolar. I have agoraphobia, emetophobia and anxiety. Sometimes I can't leave the house that much, even to the places that are within my comfort zone, I have panic attacks, and sometimes I have a few manic episodes. All these occur with or without medication. However, I am beginning to think that the reason I am like this is because my brain has been programmed to think that I will need medication to function for the rest of my life. Maybe if I stop medication all together things may get better, and maybe I'll find out that I'm really not bipolar, and maybe I have some anxiety.

What do you guys think? Thanks in advance for the replies.

[Venora Moonwind]

If you arent sure you are bi polar than get reevaluated by a psychiatrist. and you can change docs especially if you are on tricare.  go to the tricare office and raise a little bi polar cain and it can be done.I know because I am on tricare(hubby retired Air Force) and I have changed psychiatrist 4 times.I now have one I like and and a therapist that I adore.
btw meds dont program you to think you need them, they are only doing for you what your body isnt. sometimes it just takes a bit to get the right mix for bi polar.I have been on zyprexa and celexa for 7 years  and I will not be without them ever. what is taking 2 little pills compared to be bi polar with the craziness of the manic to deprssion.
so talk to your doc first and dont leave till you get some answers.Keep me posted.
Love Venora

[Venora Moonwind]

If you arent sure you are bi polar than get reevaluated by a psychiatrist. and you can change docs especially if you are on tricare.  go to the tricare office and raise a little bi polar cain and it can be done.I know because I am on tricare(hubby retired Air Force) and I have changed psychiatrist 4 times.I now have one I like and and a therapist that I adore.
btw meds dont program you to think you need them, they are only doing for you what your body isnt. sometimes it just takes a bit to get the right mix for bi polar.I have been on zyprexa and celexa for 7 years  and I will not be without them ever. what is taking 2 little pills compared to be bi polar with the craziness of the manic to deprssion.
so talk to your doc first and dont leave till you get some answers.Keep me posted.
Love Venora

[Venora Moonwind]

sorry bout the dble post ,Puter is actingup LOL of course its the puterIt would never be me messing up lol

[DLA]

There is another kind of medicine that is for the anxiety attacks when you go out and thus the agoraphobia.  Just can't remember the name of it right now.  A lot of the problem with the anxiety attacks in public is that once you have one it scares you so bad that the next time you go there it automatically brings it on.  I know all too well.

Had one in the bank I banked at and the local grocery store.  These were of the milder kind.  Sweating profusely, shaking uncontrollably, and some blurry vision.  Thought they were horrible until the all mighty one I had in Wal-Mart with my mother.  Thought she was right behind me and when I turned around she wasn't there.  That was it.  Was almost screaming trying to find her, she was around the corner.  When I did find her I just completely lost it.  Bawling my head off, clawing at my head, you name it.  She didn't have a clue.  Started yelling that I had to leave and took off running to where the door was suppose to be, but suddenly couldn't see it and when I did spot it, right in front of me, couldn't make myself go out because there were people between me and it.  So I ran screaming from the store.

Get outside, run to my MOM's car and realize I have no key to get in.  So am standing outside of it still bawling and clawing at my head while people go by looking at me like I have, of course, lost my mind.  Finally calmed down enough to go back in the store and drag her out, leaving the completely full basket behind.  True story.

Took me a VERY long time to go back in these places.  Just driving by the outside would make me have a panic attack.  When I finally confided in my husband about all of this he took me to these places and kept me "protected" (only in my mind) so that I could get use to them safely.  It worked.  You have to find some one who makes you feel safe and start using them to return you to society and a normal life outside your home.  As you can tell from my very lengthy story it is possible and a big percentage is in our minds.  But as I said there is also medicine to help with this.  But my way only has good side effects.  =)

If you question your diagnosis I would get a second opinion.  That never hurts to do.  I take Celexa every day.  Have been through almost all antidepressant/anti-anxiety meds and find it works the best for me with the least amount of side affects.  Last count I think I had tried about 15 different ones over the years and could not tolerate any of them.  Cannot help you with the manic meds, I don't take any of those.  Once my despression (dominant) was taken care of the mania phases pretty much left, I really miss them some times.  Would love to have that kind of energy every once in a while.  But don't like the grouchiness that some times accompanies it.

Good luck with it all.
Dac