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Should I turn my heroin addicted daughter into the police?
I don't know wht else to do!! I found out 2 yrs ago this summer that my, now, 25 yr old daughter is a heroin addict. It began with "experimenting" with oxy, and that lead to heroin. I live in anohter state, and have flown to where she lives numerous time to try to give "tough love".. I took away the car I bought her (for college), I called the police on her because one day I found out (from my youngest daughter) taht she was driving while high/drunk...etc..etc..My daughter's father has been 100% enabling her: lieing ot the police, paying for her apartment, car, car insurance, utilities, food, anad college classes (that she never attended). I have called him numersous times, begging him to do an Intervention with me and her two sisters..he hangs up on me and refuses to confront her as "he doesn't want her to hate him". (When I turned her into the police for driving while high and drunk, the last words I have heard from her mouth was:" I hate you and wish you would die, and if you died tomorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral" and that was August of 2009)...
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...
Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??
Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..
My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.
Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".
Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!
Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..
What should I do??
Shucks, I was hoping she was still in school. It is just my opinion but I still think, because of her most recent "career choice" and her combined drug use, an intervention is the way to go for her. Interventions are difficult and have to be done properly and with a profession present. Even then, she could run. It's a crap shoot of sorts but often when the addict is surrounded by loved ones that are pleading, they may give in.
You asked what made me choose heroin. Good question. I had said yesterday that your daughter was running, hiding if you will, from her feelings. Well, I found that heroin did that for me. I started using drugs at 13 and did not get clean at first until I was 35. I spent many years chasing that "quick fix" and running from anything that even remotely resembled a feeling. I ran from life and in the beginning heroin helped me do that successfully. Once addicted (and it happens very quickly), there is no where to hide.
Again, my heart breaks for you. I know the pain is intense and I am certain she is on your mind every minute. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do. Sometimes we just have to let go and pray for the best. She may get arrested on her own, maybe more than once, and turn things around. You don't know. Yet I know in the meantime you will think of everything you can and try everything you can. I understand that and admire you for it.
Please take care of YOURSELF during all of this. It is important for you to stay healthy and strong.
You asked what made me choose heroin. Good question. I had said yesterday that your daughter was running, hiding if you will, from her feelings. Well, I found that heroin did that for me. I started using drugs at 13 and did not get clean at first until I was 35. I spent many years chasing that "quick fix" and running from anything that even remotely resembled a feeling. I ran from life and in the beginning heroin helped me do that successfully. Once addicted (and it happens very quickly), there is no where to hide.
Again, my heart breaks for you. I know the pain is intense and I am certain she is on your mind every minute. Sometimes, there is nothing we can do. Sometimes we just have to let go and pray for the best. She may get arrested on her own, maybe more than once, and turn things around. You don't know. Yet I know in the meantime you will think of everything you can and try everything you can. I understand that and admire you for it.
Please take care of YOURSELF during all of this. It is important for you to stay healthy and strong.
Good morning to you, IBKLEEN!
I, too, thought about everything you wrote/said after I logged off last night, and I REALLY am learning and absorbing everything you, and others, have told me!
Unfortunately, my daughter is no longer going to college. I am not sure "when" she quit going and dropped out, but I think it was after Fall term of 2009. GREAT idea, though, to see if her college has drug counseling programs!
Wow...your story is very interesting AND touching!! Thank you for sharing!! You could write a book, or there could be a movie, telling your story...or, even give speeches at junior highs or high schools!! MANY people could benefit from hearing your story!!
I have a question for you, and if it is too personal, most definitely you don't have to answer, but you mentioned heroin was your "drug of choice"...why did you choose to try heroin?
I, too, thought about everything you wrote/said after I logged off last night, and I REALLY am learning and absorbing everything you, and others, have told me!
Unfortunately, my daughter is no longer going to college. I am not sure "when" she quit going and dropped out, but I think it was after Fall term of 2009. GREAT idea, though, to see if her college has drug counseling programs!
Wow...your story is very interesting AND touching!! Thank you for sharing!! You could write a book, or there could be a movie, telling your story...or, even give speeches at junior highs or high schools!! MANY people could benefit from hearing your story!!
I have a question for you, and if it is too personal, most definitely you don't have to answer, but you mentioned heroin was your "drug of choice"...why did you choose to try heroin?
Morning!
You were on my mind last evening after I got off line.
I have forgotten, is she still in college? What I was thinking of was some kind of intervention to get her into treatment. Most colleges have counseling available and are very familiar with these types of situations. Maybe you can find out from the college if they offer these services. I cannot tell you how to handle this but it seems she is still angry with you and she may become very defensive if you just show up. I say this because when I was using, I was defensive....very defensive.
My heart goes out to you, and although I did know, you remind me what my family went through with me. It still pains me to this day. I have been clean from heroin for 21-1/2 years. It is my drug of choice but I have chosen not to use it for those years. I too had a promising career and graduated as an Accountant from a prestigious school. I lived in a beautiful home on the Jersey Shore, new car every two years, etc. Next thing you know, I am laying in the streets of Brooklyn. I went from jail to rehab, to jail, to rehab, to jail and to, please GOD, my last rehab.
I am telling you this to tell you I DO KNOW what your daughter is going through and I also know what YOU are going through. It is horrible for any mother to see her daughter go down this path.
Anyway, what do you think of the idea of asking at the college if they have counseling for drug addiction and if they are familiar and are set-up for interventions?
You were on my mind last evening after I got off line.
I have forgotten, is she still in college? What I was thinking of was some kind of intervention to get her into treatment. Most colleges have counseling available and are very familiar with these types of situations. Maybe you can find out from the college if they offer these services. I cannot tell you how to handle this but it seems she is still angry with you and she may become very defensive if you just show up. I say this because when I was using, I was defensive....very defensive.
My heart goes out to you, and although I did know, you remind me what my family went through with me. It still pains me to this day. I have been clean from heroin for 21-1/2 years. It is my drug of choice but I have chosen not to use it for those years. I too had a promising career and graduated as an Accountant from a prestigious school. I lived in a beautiful home on the Jersey Shore, new car every two years, etc. Next thing you know, I am laying in the streets of Brooklyn. I went from jail to rehab, to jail, to rehab, to jail and to, please GOD, my last rehab.
I am telling you this to tell you I DO KNOW what your daughter is going through and I also know what YOU are going through. It is horrible for any mother to see her daughter go down this path.
Anyway, what do you think of the idea of asking at the college if they have counseling for drug addiction and if they are familiar and are set-up for interventions?
Wow!!
To ALL of you that have spent your time writing to me: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
As I mentioned before, I am reading EVERY word all of you are saying, I am absorbing the content, and I am learning!!!
It sounds like the consensus is to not turn her into the police, for many really good reasons.
IBKLEEN, I think you are awesome!! Thank you for your opinions, your honesty, the information you are giving me, and being blunt with me!! I appreciate it so very much!!
My next question:
Should I fly up this summer and go to her aprartment and try to talk to her "face to face"? (as previously menmtioned, I live in another state. I moved to Cali from Oregon 5 yrs ago. My daughters live in Oregon/Washington. My drug addict daughter lives in Oregon, right outside of Portland). She hates me right now, hasn't spoken to me since August 2009, etc.. Should I fly up and just "show up" at her apartment and try to talk to her, "calmly" of course and with "LOVE".
To ALL of you that have spent your time writing to me: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
As I mentioned before, I am reading EVERY word all of you are saying, I am absorbing the content, and I am learning!!!
It sounds like the consensus is to not turn her into the police, for many really good reasons.
IBKLEEN, I think you are awesome!! Thank you for your opinions, your honesty, the information you are giving me, and being blunt with me!! I appreciate it so very much!!
My next question:
Should I fly up this summer and go to her aprartment and try to talk to her "face to face"? (as previously menmtioned, I live in another state. I moved to Cali from Oregon 5 yrs ago. My daughters live in Oregon/Washington. My drug addict daughter lives in Oregon, right outside of Portland). She hates me right now, hasn't spoken to me since August 2009, etc.. Should I fly up and just "show up" at her apartment and try to talk to her, "calmly" of course and with "LOVE".
Hi like some of the others on here have said the choice to get clean is with her not anybody eles the cops arnt going to help as all that will do is put another strike on her record I am a addict of painkillers one of the worest 12 to 16 at a time about 40 to 60 a day when rock bottom comes it comes hard I lost everthing I had built for my family a busines,2 homes,cars,all of it gone because of me but. JAIL WILL ONLY HURT HER I know as I was a fireman for my smalltown so the Da and my department made it so I was picked up on the littest thing and kept in jail for detox.The sad thing is they thought they wher giving me tough love but all the did is risk my life as i could have died That was the worst 5 days of my life I was sick in full withdraw as they dont give you more than tylenol once a day. I tried methodone also after i finaly hit rock bottom and asked for help DID'NT WORK AT ALL tried tapering DID'NT WORK AT ALL then my doctor said one word to me that changed my life SUBOXONE I have been clean sence the first does 6 months ago now I dont even think about painpills. when befor thats all I and right now she thinks about THE NEXT FIX!!!!!! Suboxone is not cheap but if she wants to get clean or you are willing to help as you say get here to a doctor that can give her the med,as not all doc can go to www.soboxone.com and read all about it. you ca also find a doctor close to her where she can go IT WORKS I AM LIVING PROF OF IT. Most of all DO'NT GIVE UP you have to keep trying if not she will be DEAD!!!!!!!
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