Should I turn my heroin addicted daughter into the police?

[kej57]

I don't know wht else to do!! I found out 2 yrs ago this summer that my, now, 25 yr old daughter is a heroin addict. It began with "experimenting" with oxy, and that lead to heroin. I live in anohter state, and have flown to where she lives numerous time to try to give "tough love".. I took away the car I bought her (for college), I called the police on her because one day I found out (from my youngest daughter) taht she was driving while high/drunk...etc..etc..My daughter's father has been 100% enabling her: lieing ot the police, paying for her apartment, car, car insurance, utilities, food, anad college classes (that she never attended). I have called him numersous times, begging him to do an Intervention with me and her two sisters..he hangs up on me and refuses to confront her as "he doesn't want her to hate him". (When I turned her into the police for driving while high and drunk, the last words I have heard from her mouth was:" I hate you and wish you would die, and if you died tomorrow, I wouldn't go to your funeral" and that was August of 2009)...

I don't know what else to do!! She will only speak to her younger sister. Last Dec. (2009) she went to detox. the
"plan" was that her father will take her to rehab immediately after detox..Her enabling father did a "180" and allowed her to go back to her apartment. thus, back to heroin...

Most recently, my younger daughter told me that she had heard my heroin addicted daughter has turned to prostitution to pay for her drugs..and my addicted daughter "was" a wonderful, happy, healthy, college student who played 2 years of college volleyball!! Now she is a heroin addict and a prostitute!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN??

Just this last Feb. (2010) she was arrested for shoplifting. They searched her bag and found heroin. I contacted the prosecuting DA. We had a couple of great conversations. The DA was extremely helpful, and even spoke to her aobut her future after the hearing!! I sent a 3 page letter BEGGING that the court sentence her to a jail term with court ordered  detox and rehab...she only received "probation", as they had to  follow the law pertaining to "first offenders"..

My daughter needs help!! No one will help me, help her, except her younger sister.

Plus, I live in another state, which makes it more difficult trying to help "long distance".

Her father will NOT do "tough love" and, as mentioned, "covers up for her"..even when he found out she was prostituting herself out, his statement to my younger daughter was, "well..at least she is paying for her own things a little"..Her "father" should be jailed, too!!!

Should I call the police and inform them that there is illegal drug use going on in her apartment? I feel that this will be the only way to save her life!! At least in jail, she can "detox" and perhaps see "normally" and decide to go to rehab!! Right now, she is seeing the world through "heroin haze" and does not want help..

What should I do??

[vicki595]

Hi~  This is terribly sad and you're in a frustrating position. Calling the police may get the ball rolling but I have a feeling she'll end up in jail on her own. Everything she does
is illegal!     As a mother,it's hard to sit back and watch this disaster unfold. I know.
But,you don't have a lot of choices.  There is something called The Baker Act.  It's a law
that enables the police to arrest someone and hold them for(I think) 72 hours,if the person is deemed to be a harm to themselves or to others. This usually leads to a rehab situation. I don't have all the details,you can check it out on Google...but I know a family can just call and give the police any info they have and the police decide.
That's all I can add. You're getting some great support here,as usual for the forum!
Keep posting~
Vicki

[kej57]

Oh..one more comment...her father has a BS, MA, a PhD (in "education"  can you believe it?).  I divorced him YEARS and YEARS ago (when the kids were little) as "he" is an alcoholic, he smoked pot, and he physically abused me.  I had to get a restraining order on him. My fear is that my daughter has inherited a "predisposition" to addiction.  

[moonshyne777]

You make a number of excellent points. Yes, there is a lot of stigma associated with replacement therapy but at the end of the day the addict has to make the choice that helps THEM best regain control of their lives. There should be no one size fits all approach to recovery, RT can be a great *tool* to help the suffering addict stay alive and get the help they need.

kej57 I really feel for you, I sent you a PM and you have my prayers. No mother should have to go through what your having to but hopefully one day she will see that it was you who loved her enough to go to any lengths to save her life. Daddy dearest is enabling to the point of being completely toxic to her. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read what he said when he found out she was prostituting herself. Makes me think this sick ******* may be actually benefitting from the proceeds, maybe she's supplying his drug habit. At any rate I hope and pray she gets the help she really needs.

[kej57]

Thank you very, very, very much to all of you who have written to me! Please know, that I have read every word and will take all advice!!

My three daughters came from "middle class America". Her father and I are both college grads. She gre up in a wonderful community. Is smart, prettty, GREAT athlete (as mentioned...played 2 years of college volleyball). I took my daughters camping, fishing, travelling, all 3 played softball and volleyball.. even into college, and on and on....I just will never understand the "WHY"!!!

As mentioned, she will not speak to me..last conversation I had with her was August 2009...I will try to get her younger sister to speak to her about methodone, although I have a feeling she is SOOO far gone, she only sees the world through her "heroin haze"..that is why I was thinking about  calling the police..I would rather have her hating me, but in jail "sobering up" than do nothing and have to plan a funeral!!

As previously mentioned, her father won't do ANYTHING (and HE has the power to, as his name is on the lease to her apartment, he is paying  ALL of her bills, etc...I cut her off financially when I discovered she was on drugs. I also took away the brand new car I had bought her, etc.. etc..I wanted her to hit "rock bottom")...He "doesn't want her to hate him"...WHAT??? So, he would rather see his daughter kill herself with drugs and continue being a prostitute??? I believe her father should serve jail time for "aiding and abetting"...

Thank all of you so much!! I'll talk to my younger daughter, and see what she thinks..again..I live in another state, which makes is 10 times as difficult!!!

[Bamame]

Hi,
This is such a sad story. But, your daughter is the only one that can get clean and stay clean. Addiction is a disease. There's not one drug-addict in this world that as they were growing up they said to themselves oh I can't wait to grow up and be a drug addict, no they didn't. It's a disease.
Doesn't matter what community she was raised in, it just doesn't. She could have been raised extremely in a wealthy environment I'm sure she had the best clothes the best education the best hairstyles the best makeup. The only makeup she's worried about now is how to make up any situation to get that heroin. Heroin is the devil and that's it. That devil will eat at her until she destroys herself, and she's the only one that can get clean and stay clean and want to be free of this devil. Heroin is horrible it will change her inner and outer appearance it just does. I've lost so many in my life due to drugs that it's just so scary. You have to tell your daughter,, Point Blank don't call me don't even think about me do what you need to do I'll make sure I show up at your funeral because that's where she's going to end up if she doesn't get clean. But remember it's not your fault. Drug addiction is a disease. Sending you prayers.

[sway1]

my father, bless his soul, kidnapped me, locked me in a room in his house for about 3 days then dragged me to detox, picked me up from there and drove me to a long term rehab facility. i was broke and was there as an indigent. i could've left at any time. he sent my 2 daughters to stay with my sister in a state halfway across the country. the people i loved basically took over for me when i could no longer manage my own life. i was a heroin shooting, crack smoking fiend and was stealing, robbing, whatever! i stayed until released 10 1/2 months later. i had taken care of all my legal troubles, i had a job and was saving every penny so that when i got my kids back we could have a decent life. i moved to another state, got a job, rented a house. but i stopped going to meetings. slowly but surely i wound up strung out again.
the addict has to want to be clean every single day. and work just as hard at staying clean as they did staying high. it is HER choice. not alot of people can go to the extremes that my family went to for me. and still i let them down. but i am back now. keep posting on here. best wishes and peace, sway

[sickofit586]

I feel for you,We are going on saturday to a doc. that gives out methadone.Now most people think that this is just trading one for the other.But it does work when nothing else works.I think it might be her chance to get a life.Sound to be that its got her bad and she will DIE,if she keeps this up.Methadone can work and I will be able to tell you more this time next week.You have to do what you think is right,NO body wants to be in jail goin though W/D.You should try to get her to think about Methadone,They say its a 80% success rate.I know I would do anything to keep my child of the damm streets.Especially if she is selling her body for drugs and doesn't want to stop.I really feel for you.I am a drug addict and I have been trying now for about 6 mons to get sober and finnally we said the hell with this and are going to give the methadone treatment a try.alot of poeple don't think that this is the way but when you have tried evrything else.My wife is a drug addict to,Thats why I said both of us are doing this.You or someone talk to her about hte methadone.It will keep her from getting sick and that is the problem,she likes the high but now its the sick part that she hates and that is why she will do anything to get it.I am only saying this because I know all about the sick part,its bad bad.I wish you luck and I will tell you next week how thing are going with us.Get her into the program if you have tried everything else  God bess you and the Kid