starting over...again!

[YesLife4Me]

I was doing good, feeling pretty good, then got a bad cold/flu and was hurting, negative, frustrated, bored, you name it...and an opportunity presented itself a couple weeks back and I couldn't say no.  I have asked myself a million times over why, but the bottom line is I wanted to.   My mind kept telling me I am on the right track posting here, getting after care support, etc, but for some reason, the more I talked about it, and the more I read about other peoples struggles, the more I wanted to.   So here I am on day 2 again.  Sitting here clammy, achey, tired, with a bad tummy.  Just wanted to be honest.  And to tell the truth, I wouldn't be on day 2 if my connection hadn't come up dry.  This is a connection I cannot avoid and was worried would be my downfall.  I am disappointed in myself and really do want to live without these stupid norcos dominating my thoughts and life.  So here we go again.

[clean_in_ks]

You did it once and you can do it again...but what are you going to do DIFFERENT this time?
Can you share this connection that you "cannot avoid"?
Can you share the aftercare habits you thought you had in place?
Maybe we can talk you thru some of that and help for THIS time.
Encouragement and support will always be yours, just know that in your heart.  Beating yourself up is natural, but unproductive.  Instead of feeding yourself those kinds of self-destructive thoughts, how bout what have I learned?  What can I do different?
I have a friend that hits 4 meetings a day to "turn off" the I just can't say no tape in her head.  We must CHOOSE to take some action that doesn't feed that constant lie to our brains.  You CAN....and I hope you will~

[Pat1956100]

I relapsed several times, over and over and over again.  It just finally got so bad that my desire to quit was stronger than my desire to use.
It just seems part of this crazy process for some of us.
You don't have to do it over and over.  You can save yourself from all of that if you decide to quit now.
I also knew that once I had decided to quit the first time, I was never happy again when I was using.  I always knew I had to quit, that I would be out of contol in no time, needing more and more.

Please stop beating yourself up and just focus on your recovery.  We have all been in your shoes and I bet you are feeling so down right now.

Keep posting and stay clean.

Hugs
Pat

[YesLife4Me]

I guess I just need some reassurance or encouragement since I am beating myself up at the moment.  Thanks.