Considering Adoption

My DH and I have been TTC for almost two years now.  We just had our first IVF, which failed.  Now, we are thinking more seriously about adoption.  Can anyone help us get some basic info?
For example, how much does it cost to adopt a newborn (white)?
How long does it typically take?
For those of you in similar situations, but chose to adopt, how was your adjustment to having a child who was not your biological child?
Thank you for your help.

[Quintenswife2003]

I was a Gestational surrogate who used the same spern donor I used for my twin boys..
I might be pregnant with trips no fertility meds.
Ill find out on the 14th. I only wanted 1 and dont believe in reducing..

[Trusting77]

I'm glad you will not reduce.  I hope your pregnancy is safe.  Do you have any insight on adoption?

[mhv]

I have checked into adoption.  It is about 3,500 to start plus the cost of the home study of abou 3,000 if you decide to take the fast route and have the agency help you with it. That's free if you do it yourself... and they tell you it can run between 25-60,000 dollars.  The wait can vary greatly.  You make a "family page" showing pics of your "life" and tell a story about said life.  You then wait for a person wanting to put their child up for adoption to pick you.  It also depends alot on if you want a closed/semi closed/open adoption.  I believe open or semi means quicker placement most of the time.  
If you are willing to adopt other then caucasion, your wait time greatly reduces.  

Question, have ever considered doing a refund program with donor eggs?  it usually cost around 28,000 and is 100% refundable if you don't take a baby home.  You usually get 3 to 6 fresh IVF tries, and either unlimited or 6 FET's.  
Just wondered if you had ever considered that?  That way you carry the baby and bond with it from the time it attaches : )

Also, there are a few clinics that are starting to do donor embryos for the cost of transfer.  There is a place in N.C. and a place in TX I believe....


I also wanted to throw in there that I was adopted myself, and are very grateful that my parents did so : )

[katlynruth]

I would advise you to check out Gladney's. They are amazing and the company we are more than likely using for our adoption in 2013.
http://adoptionsbygladney.com/html/domestic/facts.php

This company is a consulting company that helps find national adoptions at birth. They are really nice and answer any questions even if you dont use them. Love them:
http://www.faithfuladoptionconsultants.com/

[Trusting77]

mhv-Thank you for the information.  We did some checking around and what you are saying seems to be right on as far as costs go.  It is just too expensive for us, particularly if we end up trying IVF again and that fails.  To answer your question, I haven't thought of donor eggs.  We always thought my DH's sperm was the problem, but it is looking like my egg quality may not be the best either.  I can't get a solid answer from the RE, but he is obviously thinking it is a factor since he denied us participation in shared risk.  Even if eggs were the problem, we wouldn't use donor eggs or donor sperm.  If we used anything that would be "donated" it would be donor embryos.  I checked with my RE and she is quoting a price of about $5k not including meds.  That is much more affordable and much quicker than adoption of already birthed child.  However, I think the option is just as noble, as these preborn children would have a chance to live.  I'm thinking we might give IVF a few more tries, just to say we gave it our best shot, but then I'm thinking we will move to donor embryos.  Thanks for the personal added touch.  It is good to hear the perspective of someone on the other side of things :)

katlynruth-Thank you for the information about Gladney's and faithful adoption consultants.  It is good to have recommendations like these just in case.  

[mhv]

My hubby and I are in the process of doing donor embies : o)     I think it's a great option!  

You know, I would ask your RE why you don't qualify... they have to give you a reason, I would think.   And, just out of curiosity, have you checked the SART website to see what the success rates of clinics around you are?  Maybe there is a clinic that has better success rates.  If there is 1 thing I have learned through this whole process, it's that every clinic is not created equal... check around do your homework... make sure you're dealing with the best RE and Lab around....  I have had several friends (jessting included) that have had no success with an RE... they've went to another RE and are now pregnant (jessting with twins (o:  )  

If you would like to talk about donor embryos more, let me know... we are in the process of doing our paperwork with the lawyer now.

,
M

[katlynruth]

There is a tax credit for adoption that is normally about $15k. There is also lots of grants you can get and government assistance. If you adopt in the United States through the foster care system its normally less than $10k. If you are willing to adopt a baby that is mixed or african american then its less expensive (sadly).

If you want to do embryo adoption try: http://www.embryoadoption.org/
then you get to give birth to your adopted child :) pretty amazing.

A close friend of mine has adopted 5 kids and doesnt owe a dime because of all the grants out there.

[Trusting77]

mhv-I did ask why we didn't qualify for the shared risk program and our RE said it was b/c of our poor embryo quality.  They believe IVF is less likely (the NP guessed about 30-40%) to be successful in our case b/c of that.  

As for success rates, there are only three clinics within an 1-1.25 hours of our home.  Of those three, the third clinic only did a total of 13 cycles for women my age so % aren't available on the success rate reports (I have to use CDC reports b/c only one of the clinics has a SART report).  The one we are going to now has the best % in terms of clinical pregnancies, % of cycles resulting in preg, and % of cycles resulting in live births-unless you look at the fractions of that third clinic and turn them into percentages (which the report recommends you not do).  So, we really don't have many options.  The other place we plan to consult with has lower rates than our current clinic, albeit they only differ by 1-5 percentage points.  They do not do donor embryos, so I'm sort of hesitant to go there b/c we'd have to go back to the place we might leave-and that won't be comfortable.

katlynruth-I didn't realize the tax credit was so high.  I suppose I didn't look into it enough.  Where do you begin? It seems like a massive undertaking to me right now.  I will check out hte embryoadoption website.  Thanks for the tip and reassurance that it still could be possible with government assistance.

[mhv]

Oh, I see.  To bad you don't live closer to OH... I'd tell you to go to the clinic jessting and my other friend went to.  They were both told they had bad embryo quality, and then went there, and jessting is preggers with twins, and my other friend had a transfer 3 days ago (5day) and had 3 to freeze (she is 38).  He is an absolutely amazing doctor... I was very impressed with him ( I went to see him first and sent both of them there.)  He was very expensive for a donor cycle 18,000 and my husband wouldn't agree to do another non-refund transfer.  He is 100% for last year in donor cycles though.   How far do you live from Cinci????

I just think you are aweful young to have bad egg quality.  Sometime the clinic blames the person, when they shouldn't.....

[Jody7]

Hi, have you ever considered adopting through the Department of Children and Families? In most states it doesn't cost anything. We started as foster parents, but you don't have to foster if you don't want to. We have adopted twice, the first time we got a little girl directly from the hospital at 2 days old. The second was 8 weeks old when we got her. In my state a child can be placed as a legal risk which means the rights of the parents have not been terminated but is in the process or you can wait until a child is free for adoption.
We went thru IVF and frozen embryo transfer and I never thought I could do foster care let alone adopt a child that wasn't mine, but once you care for a child, regardless of age or race, you can see yourself as that childs mother and it can be a great feeling! Check out adoptuskids.com. Good luck!

[Livweber]

I'm 15 and I am adopted. I think it's great that your concidering adoption. If you concidering adoption definently concider open adoption. I am openly adopted and don't no what I would do not knowing my birthparents. Most parents don't want an open adoption ( the reasons I do not know.) but in the long run it is so much better for your child. Their going to find out they're adopted eventually anyways.

And in regard to adjusting to the child not being yours. Honestly, if you love the child enough it won't matter who it came from, you'll love it like your own. I know my parents do.