Military Health Issues Community
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730826 tn?1317946934

proably the wrong form but I couldnt find a better one. Im having a really hard time with hubby being gone :(

So although he isnt over seas, just on the opposite side of the country, Im missing him a whole lot. Hes only been gone for a month but has at least 2 more to go before I see him. He does call pretty much daily, but I hate not really knowing what hes doing. You can only discribe your day so much when we have limited talking time do to beign busya nd teh time change and all. Im trying to keep busy but alot of the time Ill get so depresed and sad that I dont want to do anything. This is just one of many times he will be away in our life and I need to find a better way to deal with it. I was doing good when I was around all his army friends  but most of them left at the begining of the month for training to go on tour. Pretty much Im just looking for anyone to talk to who understands.
11 Responses
535822 tn?1443980380
I understand Lucey exactly how you are feeling , a few moons ago I was a Military wife I had 3 small children to look after and he didnt get back from Indonesia for 14 months, I threw myself into projects , I painted the house , I got busy, and I have to tell you it didnt always work, In the evenings I felt alone and sad, no one to share anything with, I had no Family around me to help, so I was alone..I simply endured , I stopped thinking about how bad I felt and concentrated on making myself happy with what I had, I had lemons so I made lemonade..The kids helped a lot as there was a lot to help them with , I also found I loved nature and Gardening, I had a new house and made the garden, no gardener, like I would do  now, I did it myself it was my therapy. So find out (if you dont know) what you really want to make into your hobby, or project, you dont have to hve friends around then, you can use your own person to do what you are good at.Painting , photography, go online and sell some stuff, everyone is getting into the used  anything market as we are saving our pennies , (temporarily I have to say I dont believe it will be years)folks are looking for bargains. Plenty to do so 'get busy" Good luck
730826 tn?1317946934
Ive tried that but how do I get past the sadness and just do it and be happy doing it. (we dont have any kids yet but i think they woudl help)
535822 tn?1443980380
You simply 'endure' and make him really happy when you talk to him, get going on ideas of things you will do together when he is home, I am assuming that when you married him you knew he would be away quite a bit, its all you have, so when your thoughts dwell on negative feelings say ""Stop" dont go there focus on the day he comes home to the fun you guys will have and know he has done his duty  and you are proud of him.as are we.
730826 tn?1317946934
Were actually only engaged now, the wedding is this summer. That helps so much. Thank you.
535822 tn?1443980380
That little bit about our thoughts works once you get into the habit of doing it and making your self switch off, Hope the Wedding goes well ,
471949 tn?1236907626
Thanks to your fiance' for his service and to you for your sacrifice.  I was active duty, so I can't say I'm familiar with what you are going through.  But I'll try to help as best I can.  Have you thought about journaling?  Writing about your day--all of your feelings, good, bad & ugly.  Get it all out there.
I know that hobbies were mentioned.  
Do you work?  Maybe volunteering...anything to fill space.
Planning your wedding keeps you busy I'm sure!!
Exercise does wonders also....take good care of yourself and feel free to vent here.
730826 tn?1317946934
i do work over 40 hours a wek but tis a desk job so i sit here infront of a copmputer on here mostly. I have been working out to try to keep my mind busy, it helps.
One thing that really gets me going is (this is going to sound bad on my part or like im
untrusting, but here it goes.) the other girls. Because he doest see me, and there are other women in the army (few but still some) Im worried its a natural thing for all army guys and gals to fool around to get the urge out. Can anyone enlighten me on this. Im a jelous person as it is and i just want some peice of mind knowing that they are faithful for the most part.
730826 tn?1317946934
I have to add that I do trust my man but I seem to get these ideas that because others do, he is. I guess Im looking for how to get piece of mind and re-assurance without saying hey hunny are ya cheating on em? or so any new girls there, or so you guys watched a movie...was it just the guys?
535822 tn?1443980380
You know lucey its pretty normal to feel that way when you guys arent together , if he has intergity and is the same guy you fell for he wont look seriously at any other gal, so ask your self if you really think he would do anything ,probably not, remember its only your thoughts that are telling you this ...so say...'Begone bad thoughts " and dont go there again, at least about him, its simply that you are apart ,he is probably thinking the same ,wondering what you are up to....
1116122 tn?1268500394
Hi, Lucey,

First of all, I feel like I can relate strongly to what you are feeling right now.  My fiancee is deployed, and while he is not far and we are lucky to be in the same time zone, missing him can be very painful and frightening for me.  His first deployment actually was when we discovered that I had anxiety/panic disorder, which complicated things for us for a little while, but we learned to work through it.  I too sometimes get really uncomfortable thoughts about what he could be up to and if everything is okay, but I have trained myself to start an activity when I start thinking like that- usually it is either something really active or something painfully mundane that I HAVE to use most or all of my focus on.  If you've hit a rut, however, where you just need support or people to talk to in order to get some ideas, I strongly recommend www.militarysos.com as a resource.  It is free to join, and many of these men and women helped me find ideas during the hardest of times.

I can't say that being away from your love ever gets easier, but you do learn to cope with it in different ways.  My fiancee calls me every day if he can- we also try to write letters that talk about specific things- our favorite thing to do is play the "Questions Game" with each other through letters.  We ask each other something that either we are sure the other person doesn't know about us, or we "test" each other to see how much we know (i.e. What's my favorite food?, etc.).  It's fun and it can be a lot more relaxing than counting down the days till we see each other.  Also, if we've developed a new hobby or idea, it helps us express it a lot more.  You might consider trying it.

Lastly, if you're just looking for someone to talk to, please feel free to message my profile.  Best of luck with your wedding- I know that also adds stress- mine is next summer!  

Take Care,
675718 tn?1530036633
time is a healer
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